Could You Be Depressed And Not Know It?

While more and more of us are talking about mental health conditions and understanding and recognizing their symptoms these days, it’s still possible that we don’t always know when a person might be suffering from depression, and here’s why:

Depression can manifest itself differently:

Two individuals suffering from depression may experience totally different symptoms, and the severity can differ significantly, too. While one person may struggle to function on a day to day basis, with depression having taken over their entire life, the other may have a much milder form of the illness and still be able to lead a ‘normal’ life.

The illness can develop slowly:

For some with depression, their symptoms can develop incredibly slowly, with no noticeable change until weeks or months down the line. They may not notice minor changes to their mental health or the way they’re feeling, and then before they realize it, they’re suddenly not able to recognize themselves anymore and are feeling utterly miserable. At this point, while it is never too late to seek help professional help, some damage has already been done, and the individual may find it harder to manage their symptoms alone (before getting help).

Symptoms appear and develop at different times:

Since symptoms of depression may not all come at once, it’s easy to miss the connection between them, and hence for depression to go undiagnosed.

There may be a clear cause for the feelings of depression:

For many who suffer from depression, their feelings are simply exacerbated by an event in their life that we commonly associate with feelings of sadness, such as a loss of some sort. So, they accept that they should be feeling that way because of what has happened and may never suspect that they are suffering from depression.

There may be no clear cause for the feelings of depression:

On the other hand, if a person’s mood is low and there is no apparent cause, they may simply put this down to a predisposition, or conclude that they’re ‘just that type of person’, and never make the connection between their feelings and a mental health condition.

Symptoms of depression may be misunderstood or misinterpreted:

Depression doesn’t always include feelings of sadness; in fact, many sufferers say that they feel numb or disinterested. So, when an individual doesn’t experience overwhelming feelings of sadness, it might be easy for them to discount depression, along with those around them.

Many of us don’t want to be branded as depressed:

While there is certainly a lot less stigma surrounding mental health illnesses than ever before, many individuals still don’t want to be labelled as depressed, and may find it embarrassing or shameful to admit.

If you’re experiencing emotions that you’re struggling to control, believe that you may have a mental health illness, or are simply feeling as if you just need someone to talk to about the way you’re feeling, then take the first step towards feeling better by scheduling an appointment with a professional counselor.

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The Link Between Tiredness And Depression

Experts state that it’s extremely rare for fatigue and general tiredness not to be one of the symptoms of depression, and most agree that the two go hand in hand; but why?

How tiredness and depression are inextricably linked:

Perhaps the most poignant link is the quality of sleep that the individual regularly gets. Research has shown that for the average adult to function normally, 7 to 8 hours of sleep per night are best, but even if someone with depression is getting this much sleep, they often still wake up feeling tired. This may be due to several factors:

• Depressed people take longer to fall asleep, meaning they achieve less hours overall
• Sleep is not of a good quality and is interrupted by REM
• Those with depression may find themselves repeatedly waking up during the night
• They may wake up earlier but be unable to fall back to sleep, despite their feelings of tiredness

Other issues that can make a depressed person feel so tired are that their bodies are constantly fighting against moods that encourage them to feel unenthusiastic about even the smallest of tasks, such as getting out of bed or eating. If you’re relentlessly trying to bolster your mood and garner some lust for life, the effects can be draining on your brain and overall mental state, tiring you out and stripping you of your energy.

When you’re depressed, your brain may begin to process thoughts in an unhealthy way, and you can soon find yourself stuck in a mental loop of negativity caused by continuous overthinking. This constant process becomes tiring for your brain, and even if your body shouldn’t be feeling tired (such as if you’ve gotten enough sleep, eaten an energy boosting meal etc), your brain may be sending messages that causes it to feel fatigued.

Coping with fatigue and depression:

Some of the best ways of coping with any problems we may be experiencing with our mental and physical health, center around a balanced and nutritious diet, quality sleep, regular exercise and relaxation. It may also benefit you to seek professional help from a healthcare professional, who may deem it necessary to prescribe medication for you or to recommend that you seek guidance from a qualified counselor.

While it may feel at times as if your tiredness is sapping you of the strength to continue your battle against depression, talking about the causes — and finding solutions to help you feel more energized and positive — is key to ending the vicious cycle. Feeling tired is something that others may brush off and they might tell you to simply ‘get more rest’, however, fatigue can be extremely debilitating and when its coupled with depression as it so often is, it needs to be tackled so that you can maintain a certain quality of life. To begin feeling like your old self again, and to have more zeal and energy for life, consider speaking confidentially to a counselor who can guide you through some processes to help heal you.

Learn more at heartcenteredcounselors.com

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Moving On From An Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship is not always one that involves physical violence, in fact, in many cases emotional abuse takes the worst toll.

Relationships can be complex and often revolve around varying emotional needs. Individuals may remain in an abusive relationship for months, sometimes even years and tolerate unimaginable cruelty in the name of love or dependence. Breaking the cycle of abuse can be a very real challenge, and in more serious cases, can even be life threatening.

However, there is always a way out – even if it may not seem like it at the time – and while the path to your emotional freedom and happiness may not always be clear, remember that a professional such as a therapeutic counselor, can help guide you through the process so that not only do you remain safe from harm, but that you are emotionally able to strive for a happier future for yourself.

What you can look forward to after leaving an abusive relationship:

If all goes well (and remember that a counselor will be there for you every step of the way, even if things don’t go as planned), your life should slowly begin to feel like your own again, and you’ll go from focusing all your attentions on that one individual and their well-being, to being free to focus on your own needs and desires.

Many people who have found the strength and courage to leave an abusive relationship, describe it as being as if a weight has been lifted from their shoulders; a great and crushing burden has dissipated and they can finally shake off the feelings of sadness and despair and hold their head high. Many also say that while the struggle to end the relationship will take its toll on you initially (and in fact, most will carry some painful memories for a long time), it will all be worth it in the end.

The importance of family, friends and loved ones:

A break-up can be a troubling and upsetting time no matter what the relationship was like, but if you’ve just come out of an abusive one, then you’ll need your family and friends around you even more.

Some relationships cause us to lose touch with the people who used to mean a lot to us, and can even result in friendships being broken and family members ousted, but if you’re to thrive and be happy after your abusive relationship has ended, you’ll want to connect with true friend you can get.

Reach out to loved ones and make extra effort to connect with them. It may involve some soul searching from both parties, but true friends will support you and will understand what you have been going through. Remember that a qualified counselor can help support you through this process and make it a little less difficult.

If you’re struggling with an abusive relationship or have just found the courage to go it alone, then you may need some extra support on whatever stage of the journey you’re at. Reach out to a counselor or other such therapeutic professional and let them help you to get back on your feet as soon as possible.

Learn more at: https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/couples-marriage-counseling/

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The Stigma’s Gone – Seeking Help From A Therapist Does NOT Mean You’re Crazy

While for some there is still a (very) small degree of stigma surrounding mental health, if you had broke the news to a friend or colleague two decades ago that you were seeing a counselor or therapist, they might well think that if you weren’t already crazy, you were well on your way. They might have had visions of you lying down on a couch and sharing your deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings to a stranger in a white coat, while being prescribed handfuls of anti-psychotic drugs. Things have changed for the better though, and while not everyone is comfortable talking about their mental health, most of us are.

Many Americans seek therapy and for a range of mental health issues:

It has become comforting for many folks to have a therapist on speed dial, and for them, seeking help and talking about their problems has become the norm, and not something that they’re ashamed of. It might not be quite the same for the eveyone, but every year the number of people seeking help for their mental health increases, showing that not only may such issues be on the rise due to the stresses and strains of modern life, but that more people are actively trying to get better.

Even the small handful of people who once viewed the need for mental health as a weakness or something to be afraid of or a sign of being crazy are learning: There are many folks who visit a therapist or counselor to discuss all manner of issues in their lives and who may never be diagnosed with any kind of mental illness. Many find it helpful to simply talk through their problems with someone outside their circle of friends, family or co-workers.

In what ways can a therapist help you?

Qualified and experienced therapists or counselors are trained to look for the story that is running behind, or parallel to, the story that you’re telling them, and to make you aware of it.

Every story will have a recurring theme, but once your therapist has helped you to identify it, you can work on ways of changing the story so that it doesn’t have a negative impact upon your life.

And you don’t need to be mentally unwell to benefit from this, in fact, if you have a healthy state of mind, you’re typically more open and insightful and can benefit from therapy in myriad ways. Your therapist can help you to transform any negative mindsets which will have a positive impact on both your private and working life.

If you have any issues in your life that you would like to share with a mental health professional, it’s important to do so. Unhealthy thoughts or actions can quickly impact your life; but seek help soon enough and you can nip them in the bud before they have a negative consequence on any aspect of your life. And remember, seeking therapy is a sensible and mature response to a problem in your life, and does not mean that you are crazy — rather, it’s a sign of self-care and self-value.

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Should You Seek Treatment For Your Angry Outbursts?

Do you suffer from sudden episodes of impulsive or explosive aggression? Do you sometimes react to situations in a manner which is out of proportion and out of character?

Maybe you get yourself involved in incidents of road rage, domestic abuse or simply screaming at the people you love? If so, this is likely causing significant distress and upset to you and those around you, you might want to think about seeking professional help.

Symptoms of intermittent explosive responses:

You may find that you suddenly erupt in anger, and while the anger usually subsides after half an hour or so, the episode may be very intense and may even occur often. For some, episodes are less frequent but no less severe.

Others may find that they are almost always irritable, impulsive and aggressive. Some episodes of aggression may follow, or be accompanied by rage, racing thoughts, tingling and even tremors or a tightening of the chest.

During an explosive, angry episode, the person may rant and rave, have a tantrum, cause damage to property, or even slap, shove or push another person or persons. For some, there is a feeling of relief or intense tiredness after the outburst, and they may feel embarrassed or regretful afterwards.

What can cause an angry outburst?

While more common in younger than older adults, the exact cause of intermittent explosive responses is not fully understood, but experts believe that several environmental and biological factors come into play. Of course, as with many mental health issues, there can be a variety of different causes for a variety of different people.

Seeking professional help to prevent your disorder from getting out of control:

Angry outbursts may go much further than merely being embarrassing for the perpetrator; the individual may cause harm to themselves, others or property, and there is always the risk of irreversible relational damage during an angry outburst.

So, seeking help to prevent your anger from getting out of control is essential for your sake, and the sake of those around you, and when combined with the following guidelines, there’s every chance you’ll go on to curb your feelings of anger:

• Persevering with treatment

Go to your therapy sessions as regularly as your healthcare professional instructs.

• Try relaxation techniques

Deep breathing and relaxing imagery or yoga may help

• Retrain your brain

Cognitive restructuring can help you to change the way you think about, and react to, certain situations, using rational thought and reasonable explanations. Your therapist can help you here.

• Try to problem-solve

Try to construct a plan in your mind to help you deal with a frustrating problem. Again, feel free to ask your mental health provider for help here.

• Improve the way in which you communicate with others

Try to listen more, and then be patient with your response instead of reacting impulsively (and avoid saying the first thing that comes into your mind when someone is talking to you).

• Leave or avoid situations that may encourage anger

If possible, walk away from a situation that is threatening to make you angry or to which you worry that your response may not be rational.

• Don’t take mood-altering substances

Alcohol or illicit drugs often serves only to exacerbate any mental health condition, so using them is very unlikely to help you overcome angry outbursts.

If your angry outbursts are causing distress to you or those close to you, then it may be time to seek professional help. Doing so will help you alleviate your anger and teach you how better to manage your emotions when times are tough, something that we doubtless all can learn how to do better!

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Does Your Child Have An Unhealthy Relationship With Food?

Eating disorders are becoming more and more common among kids and teenagers these days, and for a variety of different reasons. However, while some of these reasons may be the same ones that affected young people decades ago, it’s safe to say that a growing number of them are a consequence of the times. In an era of cyber bullying and social media pressures, some young people scrutinize their lives and are overly critical of every action they undertake. More of them are turning to, or away from, food in efforts to have more control over a world that they sometimes feel they have no place in.

What are the most common eating disorders among young people?

Some eating disorders can cause kids and teens to make dramatic changes to what, and how often, they eat, and can lead to any number of life-threatening conditions and/or irrevocable damage to their bodies. Here are the 3 most common eating disorders among young people today:

Anorexia: where the sufferer refuses to consume enough calories due to an intense irrational fear of gaining weight.

Bulimia: bulimic children purposely over-eat or binge on unhealthy foods, and then attempt to eliminate it from their bodies to prevent weight gain, by vomiting or using laxatives.

Binge-eating: in a similar way to someone who is bulimic, the child will frequently gorge themselves on food, but they won’t go on to purge themselves afterwards.

In some cases, eating disorders can overlap, and the young person can have periods where they are both anorexic and bulimic, for example.

When do eating disorders commonly develop in children, and who suffers the most?

While it can vary from child to child – and some children have been known to suffer from eating disorders at a very young age – they usually develop during adolescence or when the child begins to enter adulthood. Anorexia and bulimia are far more common among females, and the figures for men suffering from binge eating are a little higher.

What causes eating disorders?

Experts typically agree that a combination of biological, behavioral and social factors can influence eating disorders, and with social media and cultural images tending to favor (and even glamorize) underweight bodies, many young people are encouraged to make food and eating choices that are detrimental to their health.

Children who suffer from eating disorders often have low self-esteem and may also experience frequent feelings of helplessness and/or distress. Coping with all these issues is tough for anyone, let alone a child, and some even turn to food as a way of trying to cope with these feelings.

Getting to the cause of the problem and seeking help to combat it is generally seen as the most effective way to control, minimize or end an eating disorder.

If you suspect that your child is suffering from an eating disorder, it’s important that you try to seek professional help for them as soon as possible. Willpower alone is not the key overcome their dangerous eating habits, and seeking treatment will not only help them to restore healthy eating habits, but will address any underlying psychological issues that your child might be experiencing.

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Could You Benefit From Psychiatric Medication Management?

The word ‘psychiatric’ can often be misinterpreted or evoke feelings of fear in those who don’t understand fully what it means, and the same can be said of ‘psychiatric medication management’. However, if you’ve been recommended for a psychiatric assessment by your doctor or therapist, understanding what that means, how a psychiatric practitioner can help you, and what psychiatric medication is, should minimize your fears and concerns.

If you have a mental health concern, a psychiatric assessment could help get you on the road to recovery, and here’s how:

Our mental health needs are just as important as our physical health needs:

Since our mental and physical health are closely linked, it makes sense that we should get both checked by professionals, as and when a problem arises. Stress and trauma can leave us feeling anxious, angry or depressed, and when these feelings go unchecked or untreated, they can lead to the manifestation of major psychological and physical illnesses or behaviors.

We know the importance of getting our physical health checked by primary care providers, but often let our mental health go unchecked. This could be due to feelings of denial, shame or embarrassment, which sadly, prohibits us from seeking the help that we need to feel better.

What happens during a psychiatric assessment?

An initial check-up will be performed by the psychiatric practitioner, in much the same way as a physical assessment would be carried out. It includes an overview of your symptoms, and a review of whether medication would be advisable to help treat your mental health issue. Rather than a physical examination, a psychiatric assessment involves a lot of talking, which in itself, may be therapeutic.

What happens after the assessment?

Your psychiatric assessor will diagnose you and recommend a treatment plan that may or may not include medication. They will discuss the plan with you in detail, along with information about the actions, uses and side effects of medication, and you’ll have an opportunity to ask as many questions as you want.

If you agree to try the medication and whatever else the treatment plan involves, then the practitioner will prescribe the medication for a trial period to enable both parties to assess and evaluate its effectiveness. This is where the term ‘medication management’ comes into play.

The medication will be reviewed based upon its effectiveness in helping to meet the goals that you and your assessor have agreed upon, and keep in mind that medications can vary in effectiveness from person to person, so what might work for you, may not work so well for someone else with the same mental health concerns.

Multi-pronged approach:

In many cases, other forms of treatment are recommended that can work in conjunction with your medication plan, such as counseling, life management skills and behavioral therapies. Your assessor will carefully monitor your progress and you’ll meet regularly to discuss how everything is going and what might need to be changed in relation to your treatment plan.

Medication is not always prescribed for patients with mental health concerns, and the benefits and side effects are weighed up carefully to minimize the risks. At every stage of your psychiatric journey, your needs will be thoroughly assessed, and medications can be altered or stopped, as and when necessary. Whatever your psychiatric needs, help is out there, and the sooner you seek it, the sooner you’ll begin to feel more in control of your life.

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Can Feelings Of Guilt Sometimes Be The Cause Of Depression?

There can be many causes of depression – each of which will vary depending on the individual – but if you’ve been feeling inexplicably low and can’t quite put your finger on why, it might be that you’re feeling guilty about something.

Guilt explained:

Guilt is when you feel embarrassed or regretful about being the reason behind a negative action or event – recent or even way back in the past – and while much of our guilt is genuine and appropriate, in some cases, such feelings can stem from something entirely different.

For example, if we’ve chosen to do something that we know we shouldn’t have, then feeling guilty and acknowledging our “wrongdoing” can be healthy; the guilt is both genuine andappropriate.

But sometimes, our guilt is created from what we perceive to be a personal failure and is an irrational and inappropriate response to an event or action past or present; you’ve judged your actions and come up with a guilty verdict when the truth is either completely different, or not as big a deal as you perceive it to be.

When we feel guilty for something that we needn’t, the feelings of guilt may encourage us to punish ourselves for what we think we have done to someone (or something) else, and these feelings can persist and cause us to feel miserable and depressed.

Recent studies have shown that the brains of individuals suffering from depression, are more prone to guilt than those whom have never suffered from depression. But how exactly does guilt go on to cause depression? And what can you do if your feelings of guilt, are making you depressed?

Negative thinking and a low mood:

Cognitive behavioral therapy that is evidence based, shows us that our emotions can be created by thoughts, and those emotions then go on to influence and cause the actions that we choose to carry out. When our thoughts are negative, they can go on to make our emotions and our actions negative, too, and when this becomes a cycle, our mood can take a nosedive and we can even become depressed.

Seeking help for your feelings of guilt and depression:

Some feelings of intense guilt can be deep rooted in our past and in our psyche and identifying and interpreting them can be next to impossible without professional help. Trying to break the control that these negative thoughts and feelings are having over your life may not be something you’re currently able to do it alone, and a qualified counselor may be your best option.

If you suspect that feelings of guilt are causing you to feel low and/or depressed, then please don’t wait until you’re at your lowest ebb before you seek help. Talking through your issues will show you that the negative relationship you currently have with yourself need not control your life.

Learn More at: heartcenteredcounselors.com

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Tell Your Employer That You’re Mentally Unwell??

This can be a difficult area for many of us, and indeed, for employers, too. As an employee, of course you want to be productive while at work and fulfill your role to the best of your ability, but if you are suffering from a mental illness, then you may be entitled to certain accommodations. As an employer, you may want to be sympathetic to your employee’s state of mind and are naturally concerned about doing all you can to support their productivity.

Ideally, you could try to talk openly with your employer about your mental illness and pave the way for a solution that provides balance between what is expected of you at work, what you can do, and what can be done to help you. Here are a few guidelines for doing just that:

 

How specific do you want to be?

You get to decide whether you tell your employer that you have a medical condition, and you can choose not to disclose specific details e.g. whether you tell them that you have a neurological issue, a mental illness, or whether you choose to tell them your precise diagnosis, such as depression or anxiety. Remember that this decision is entirely yours to make.

Help your employer understand more about mental illness

If you have talked to your employer about your illness, it may be helpful for them to read more about the condition. Provide them with some literature that they can read in their own time and some resources should they want to know more.

Talk to your employer about how your illness may affect your role

It may be that your mental illness doesn’t inhibit the way you fulfill your role at work, in which case you can tell your employer that. If it does affect you in some way, however, be sure to communicate this in as precise terms as you can, so that they will know what accommodations (if any) you may require.

Just because you have disclosed your mental illness to your employer doesn’t mean that you can’t also remind them of your qualities and your suitability for the role, and if your employer should have any concern about you, your state of mind, or your work, then you should tell them how best to convey those to you in an appropriate manner.

Explain to them that a solution can always be found and that you are willing to work towards one.

 

One of the primary issues concerning the relationship between an employer and an employee with a mental illness is a lack of understanding and appropriate communication. Talk as openly as you’re comfortable with your employer about your mental health issues and show them that you are willing to work together for the benefit of the company and your role within the workforce. You may also find it helpful to discuss any work placed concerns with a counselor, who can guide you through your options if you’re feeling misunderstood while at work.

Get help now! https://heartcenteredcounselors.com

Or Call Us: (970) 310-3406

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Are You Worried That You May Be Self-Medicating?

Social pressures, longing to escape reality, reactions to stress, trying to forget a recent trauma, and even curiosity, can all be reasons why people turn to drugs or alcohol. Some may also be trying to manage the side effects of other drugs or medication that their doctor has prescribed them or trying to reduce the symptoms of a mental illness.

When the term ‘self-medicating’ is used, it refers specifically to drugs or alcohol being misused to try and mask the symptoms of a mental health condition, and this can be dangerous if left unchecked. If you’re worried that you, or someone you know, may be self-medicating, then here are a few important things to be aware of:

What happens to our brains when we self-medicate?

Several changes can occur in the brain when a person uses drugs or drinks alcohol, and the neurotransmitters that enhance the feeling of pleasure may become heightened. The person may find themselves experiencing a temporary sensation of being removed from reality, and for someone suffering from a mental illness, this can be an extremely desirable state of mind.

If self-medicating continues, however, the chemistry in the brain associated with regulating emotions, motivations, pleasures and reward-processing, can alter as the substance dependency deepens. If a full dependency forms, the brain may stop functioning as it previously did altogether, paving the way for a chemical imbalance when the substances begin to wear off or are removed.

When this occurs, the symptoms of the mental illness may become much worse and the individuals stress levels may soar to a wholly unmanageable degree. Stopping the misuse of many substances can be particularly dangerous if you don’t seek medical help.

Self-medicating can also interfere with prescribed treatments and medications for mental or physical ailments, too, and when combined, the side effects of the abused substances and the symptoms of any co-occurring disorder may be increased.

What is a co-occurring disorder?

A co-occurring disorder refers to when a person is struggling to cope with more than disorder at the same time, and the best way to tackle this is thought to be through an integrated model that can effectively manage both sets of symptoms at the same time.

 

Treating the problem of self-medication:

Most people who self-medicate have an underlying medical or mental health concern, meaning that integrated treatments are always going to be the most effective, since they combine medications with therapeutic methods of treatment. The medication is given to stabilize the person, while the therapy helps them to understand any potential triggers for self-medicating and  teaches them how to manage them in the future. Some of the therapeutic methods center around behavior and attempt to teach the individual new life and communication skills along with stress management techniques.

Only when then the sufferer begins to understand the reasons why they self-medicate, can they ever begin to learn new and healthier ways of managing their stressors and begin to lead a more fulfilled life. Recovery can certainly be sustainable, and seeking professional help a very helpful step to getting there.

Call us now to get help for you or your loved one: (970) 310-3406

Or  visit: https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/

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Coping With Bereavement When Suffering From Depression

Grief will enter all our lives at some point or another, but if you’re suffering from depression, the pain of losing someone that you love can feel like too much to bear. While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, sometimes acceptance of the fact that you are hurting and have every right to do so can help you find ways to cope with the loss.

Here are a few helpful tips for coping with bereavement when suffering from depression:

Try not to punish yourself:

Kindness is indeed a virtue, and there is perhaps no more important time to be kind to yourself than after suffering the loss of a loved one. Allow yourself time to grieve while remembering that your body and mind will likely not heal quickly, so don’t punish yourself if you don’t meet a recovery timeline that you may feel is expected of you. Be kind to the good person that you know you are… to yourself, first and foremost.

Be forgiving:

One of the first things you may do when you lose a loved one is experience feelings of regret: that you should have spent more time with them or should have told them that you cared about them more often, for example. You may even feel guilty for not reacting to the bereavement in a way in which you feel you should: perhaps you can’t cry, or you feel guilty for being relieved that they are no longer suffering. Accepting that there will be myriad emotions connected to the loss, and forgiving yourself for how you might be feeling, is a hugely important step in the healing process.

Establish some small routines:

While there will naturally be some changes to your usual routine when you’re coping with a bereavement, you could try to have some small routines you do regularly, to help prevent you from shutting down and ceasing to function.

Accept and/or seek help from others:

At a time of deep loss, others will want to help you, and even if they’re performing some simple acts for you, such as running errands or walking your dog, you may benefit greatly from letting them in. If you’re struggling to cope with how you’re feeling and are not able to talk to friends and family, then consider seeking professional help from a caring therapist.

Sometimes, someone unconnected to you may be the best person to guide you through the range of emotions that you’re experiencing, and with their training and experience, they will help you achieve kindness toward yourself, and permission to go through your own process, after losing someone you love.

Coping with depression is challenging enough, but add a bereavement to the equation, and it can take feelings of despair and sadness to new lows. However, no one should have to go this through alone, so no matter how you’re feeling, remember that there is always someone who can help you, and that you are worthy of that help.

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When the Pressure To Feel Happy can make You Feel Depressed

Mostly in life, if we are feeling happy or excited about something, we receive positive reinforcement from those around us, and our emotion is celebrated. Nothing wrong with being happy about a promotion at work, or being excited about taking a trip somewhere, all perfectly normal.

The same cannot be said if we are feeling sad, however: this emotional state is sometimes punished by those around us rather than celebrated. Perhaps friends, family or co-workers begin to avoid you, or even become frustrated by your melancholy state of mind.

But why should this be so? If happiness is so acceptable to everyone, why isn’t sadness? Why do those around us try to change those feelings instead of accepting and supporting us when we’re feeling at our worst?

 

In pursuit of happiness:

In Western societies, happiness is viewed as a state of mind that most desire to achieve, and perhaps more importantly, it’s seen as being a healthy state of mind and something to be pursued. “Negative” emotions such as sadness, fear or anger on the other hand, are sometimes regarded as being destructive and unwelcome emotional states, that should be eliminated as quickly as possible.

While we all know that a wide range of emotions are likely to be experienced by us all throughout different stages of our life, Western society can place pressure on us to believe that happiness is worth pursuing and maintaining, at the expense of all other emotions.

 

What happens to our state of mind when we feel pressured to feel happy?

If we are expected or pressured to feel happy, studies have shown that the opposite often takes effect, and we begin to feel far less happy. Those same studies also showed that when we’re under pressure from those around us to feel happy and not show or feel any negative emotions, our self-image becomes negative and we may even begin to experience feelings of loneliness and social exclusion.

 

Those who often experience social pressures to feel happy and not sad, have been shown to be far more likely to demonstrate depressive symptoms. Now while they may not be categorized as experiencing clinically significant depression, the effect of the pressure and its negative effects can clearly be seen, nonetheless.

 

What can we take from this evidence?

The findings of such studies serve to highlight the importance of not invalidating your own, or others’ emotions by fervently pursuing happiness and spreading the message that sadness is not a desirable state of mind. While it may be true that most of us would prefer not to feel sad, promoting the fact that it isn’t a natural and perfectly acceptable emotion, serves only to make it worse.

 

If the pursuit of happiness is making you feel sad and you’re not sure how to cope, reach out to a qualified mental health professional, who can help guide you through your emotions and restore your mental equilibrium. 

The post When the Pressure To Feel Happy can make You Feel Depressed appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/when-the-pressure-to-feel-happy-can-make-you-feel-depressed/

Coping With Workplace Bullying

Nobody likes a bully, right? But sadly, many of us will have to deal with them at some point in our working lives and depending on the nature and severity of the bullying, we may need to seek outside help to deal with it.

 

Workplace Bullies and What They Do

Bullies in the workplace often use the same set of intimidatory and manipulative tools that a schoolyard bully might possess, and recognizing their behavioral patterns is the first step towards putting an end to it and getting back to a comfortable working environment.

Bullies torment others and will go out of their way to make you feel small or embarrassed. They often have deep-rooted psychological issues that center around control and insecurity, and their issues tend to be with themselves, not you, although it may not feel that way when they are targeting you.

 

Recognizing Classic Bullying Behavioral Traits

Some common behavioral traits belonging to workplace bullies can include:

• Shouting – and this may be in private, in front of colleagues, or even in front of customers
• Name calling
• Disrespectful or derogatory remarks
• Criticizing or excessive nit-picking
• Undermining someone’s work
• Increasing an individual’s workload without reason
• Purposely excluding someone from normal workplace or staff room conversations and/or events, making them feel explicitly unwelcome

 

If someone in your workplace frequently displays any, or all these behaviors, then you may have a bully on your hands, whether you are their target, or a colleague.

 

Look out for signs outside of the workplace that you might be a victim of bullying:

If you struggle to sleep or have uncontrollable feelings of nausea before going to work because you feel scared, then that may be a clear indicator that you are the victim of bullying. Your family may get frustrated with how often you talk about problems at work, and you may even spend your days off constantly worrying about going back to work.

These are all strong signs that if you’re not being bullied, then there is a very real problem at work that you need to address for your own sake.

 

Never Ignore the Problem

Even if you feel that you can cope with being bullied, there is absolutely no way that you deserve it or nor do you need to tolerate it. Don’t make excuses for their behavior or mistakenly believe that you deserve to be bullied. Feelings of self-doubt can lead you down a slippery slope, and all the time that you’re busy making excuses for the bully’s behavior, they are continuing unabated and unchecked, and your mental health will soon start to suffer.

Bullies in the workplace often select their victims based upon the threat that they feel is posed to them or their career, so while no one wants to be bullied, it can suggest that you are good at your job and that they know it, that’s why they’ve chosen to bully you.

If you’re being bullied in the workplace and feel that it is having a negative impact upon your working and/or personal life, then it may be worth seeking professional help. A trusted and experienced counselor can help provide you with a safe space to talk over your concerns and can help reinforce your self-confidence and sense of self-worth, as well as help you take proactive, empowering steps.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/coping-with-workplace-bullying/

Understanding Your Dual Diagnosis

Substance abuse, alcoholism or drug addiction are just as common as mental health issues such as depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder, and some people experience both at the same time.

When this happens, the term ‘co-occurring disorder’ or ‘dual diagnosis’ is often used to describe it, and the consequences of living with such a diagnosis can be tough for anyone. However, if you’re suffering from substance abuse and a mental health disorder and are struggling to cope, understanding your diagnosis better can help you regain some control over your life.

 

What happens in a dual diagnosis?

If you’ve been given a dual diagnosis by a health professional, this means that your mental health issue and your substance abuse will each have their own unique symptoms, and each will undoubtedly impede your everyday life on some level or another.

You may find that you struggle to keep up with your classes at school, are unable to maintain your workload in your job or find it hard to handle the stresses of life.

Unfortunately, if your mental health issue is not treated at all, or often enough, then most find that their substance abuse worsens and vice versa, and this can quickly begin to feel like a vicious cycle that you can see no end to. While you may feel isolated and alone, it may comfort you to know that co-occurring substance abuse and mental health issues are relatively common, and as a result, there is plenty of professional help available to you.

No one need suffer alone or in silence with a dual diagnosis, and while you may not believe it, you can find your way back to happiness and you will feel better one day.

Does the substance abuse come first, or vice versa?

Sometimes, alcohol and drugs are commonly used to balance the sufferer’s effects of a mental health illness, which can in turn lead to unwanted side effects and may even worsen the symptoms that they initially helped alleviate.

On the flip side, it is also widely acknowledged that the abuse of alcohol or drugs can increase the underlying risk of developing a mental health disorder. Research has shown that some who abuse marijuana, for example, increase their risk of psychosis, while abusers of opioid painkillers may risk developing depression at a later stage.

 

This might all sound scary, and if you think you may have a problem with your mental health and you’re abusing substances, or you’re newly diagnosed with a co-occurring disorder, it’s important to know that everyone can get help, most importantly you, and no therapist or other mental health professional will cast any judgement over you, no matter what your problem and what may have caused it.

So please don’t suffer in silence if you’re struggling with a dual diagnosis, seek help and learn how to reclaim your life.

Learn more at: https://heartcenteredcounselors.com

The post Understanding Your Dual Diagnosis appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/understanding-your-dual-diagnosis/

You’ve Been Diagnosed With A Mental Illness…Now What??

If you’ve just been professionally diagnosed with a mental illness, you may not know quite what you’re supposed to do next. A wide range of emotions may be commonly felt at this point, and while some may feel relieved to have been diagnosed, others may feel angry, ashamed, embarrassed or just downright miserable.

That said, whatever your diagnosis, and however it has made you feel, it is not the end of the world and with good help and support, you can recover and lead a happy, fulfilled life. There are several things that you can do and/or be aware of after your diagnosis, that will aid you on your path to recovery, here are just a few:

 

Know that you are never alone:

One in every five Americans are affected by some form of mental illness, meaning that you are not alone, and there is also a wealth of help and guidance available for you all.

 

You are more than capable of achieving your goals:

It may not be easy or quick, but many more people nowadays are managing to cope with, or recover fully from, their mental illnesses, thanks to advances in counseling, medication, quality of care, and cognitive therapies now available to everyone.

 

Learn about your diagnosis and try to play an active role in your treatment:

Learn everything that you can about your condition, and make sure that you get the best help available to you for a swifter and more successful recovery. Talk to others who have been through – or who are going through – the same as you, and disclose as much as you can to your mental health professionals so that they are better equipped to give you the treatment that is right for you.

 

Find emotional support:

Coping with a diagnosis is tough enough, without having to go through it on your own. Wherever possible, try to confide in people that you trust, and you’ll find that a problem shared really is a problem halved. If you don’t feel confident talking to people that you know, then look for a support group in your area that might offer you the chance to talk openly to others in a similar position to you. You may also wish to schedule an appointment with a trained professional, who can help guide you through your diagnosis and talk you through your recovery options.

 

Be as honest as possible with your GP or therapist:

To get the best help, be completely honest, including being open with any mental health experts or GP’s that you are working with. Attend your appointments armed with a list of questions that you might have about your diagnosis and subsequent treatment.

No mental health diagnosis comes easily, no matter how much you prepare yourself for it, or how determined you are to make a full recovery. Be open with yourself and to those whom you trust, and while the road to recovery may have some potholes along the way, you will find happiness and fulfillment again.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/youve-been-diagnosed-with-a-mental-illnessnow-what/

The Effects Of Stress Upon Our Sleep Patterns

Based upon the results of multiple sleep related surveys carried out in recent years, we’re not getting the amount of sleep that we ideally need. While some people can cope with less sleep than others, most are still not meeting the recommended requirements, and as a result, may struggle to function and remain as mentally and physically sound as possible.

The reasons behind this countrywide epidemic of sleeplessness can usually be attributed to several common factors, such as problems with relationships, difficulties at work, financial hardships and even traffic jams on our daily commute. Improving the quality of our sleep patterns is possible, but only when we tackle the many chronic stressors that are preventing us from getting the rest we so deeply need.

 

Stress and how learning to manage it can improve our sleep patterns:

Getting good, quality sleep may be more achievable if you try to implement some healthy stress management techniques before you climb into bed. The ways in which we can learn to cope with stress come in many forms, and some involve emotional engagement.

A recent study showed that those strategies aiming to minimize emotional avoidance and enhance emotional awareness, can greatly reduce the impact that stress can have on sleep.

On the other side of the coin, strategies that tend to increase avoidance, such as drinking alcohol or taking illegal substances to forget about the stress, usually lead to longer sleep delays and a lack of quality sleep.

 

What is emotional avoidance and how can we minimize it?

This type of avoidance can refer to any action we take that is designed to help us prevent feeling an uncomfortable emotion, whether it be through dissociation or using drugs or alcohol. Normally considered to be an unhelpful coping strategy, emotional avoidance may be effective in the short term, but will often go on to make those emotions become stronger and more difficult to avoid.

Some strategies that can help to minimize emotional avoidance include meditation and simple breathing exercises. These can reduce stress and bodily tension, and lower the levels of the stress hormone, which will aid sounder sleep.

When to seek professional help:

If self-help methods of lowering your stress levels don’t seem to be working and your sleep patterns haven’t improved, then it might be time to meet with a qualified counselor who can talk to you more about the way you’re feeling.

An experienced counselor will advise you on other strategies of stress management to help you sleep better, and will be a sounding board for any worries or fears that you might have surrounding your emotional responses to stressful situations.

The post The Effects Of Stress Upon Our Sleep Patterns appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/the-effects-of-stress-upon-our-sleep-patterns/

How To Help Your Angry Child

While anger can be a perfectly normal, useful and healthy emotion for children, it can also become a problem if it gets out of control and turns into aggression. If your children are experiencing a lot of angry emotions, there could be a multitude of reasons for this, and several different ways in which you can help them to tackle their anger in a healthy way.

 

Your child is angry, but why?

A child can display anger for a whole host of reasons, and some of them are listed below:

• Witnessing anger and arguing from family members or other adults that your child is close to
• Experiencing friendship problems at school
• Being bullied
• Struggling to cope with schoolwork
• Feeling stressed, afraid or anxious about something
• Coping with hormonal changes that occur throughout puberty

While it may be obvious that your child is feeling angry, the reasons behind the anger may not always be clear, particularly if they are not comfortable talking about it with you, or if they themselves are not clear about why they are feeling angry. If this is the case, then it’s important that you help your child to work out what might be causing their anger so that you can both move forward.

How to tackle your child’s anger together:

Helping your child to work through their anger is the best way of showing them that they are not the problem. If you’re helping younger children to cope with anger, then it’s easy to make it fun and creative. Try giving anger a name and asking your child to draw it as best they can. It could take the form of a volcano that will eventually explode, for example.

Remember that how you respond to anger can have a huge influence on how your child responds to anger, and when you tackle the problem together, it can be helpful to both of you.

Helping your child to spot the anger warning signs:

Being able to spot the warning signs of displays of anger early, can help your child to make positive decisions about how they handle their emotions. It’s important to talk to your child about the way they feel when they begin to get angry, and some of those feelings may include:

• A quickening heartbeat
• Tensing of muscles
• Clenching of teeth or fists
• A churning of the stomach
• Reddening of the face

Tips to help your child cope with their anger:

Working together with your child to discover the triggers for their anger and discussing coping

mechanisms with them, can be hugely helpful. Here are a few simple ways in which your child can learn to manage their anger:

• Encourage them to count to 10 when they feel themselves getting angry
• Walking away from the source of their anger
• Taking deep breaths
• Clenching and unclenching their fists
• Talking to an adult that they trust
• Going to a quiet, private place to calm down

If you see the onset of anger symptoms in your child, you could try to communicate this to them so that they can begin utilizing their coping mechanisms.

If your child continues to struggle with their anger, then it may be time to seek professional help, as counselors are well trained to help kids of all ages identify the roots of, and make peace with, their anger.

The post How To Help Your Angry Child appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/how-to-help-your-angry-child/

The Difference Between Enjoying A Drink And Alcoholism

Mind altering drinks (and plants and fungi!) have been in existence for centuries, and of course there’s a reason why some enjoy them so much. When enjoying a drink or two, it can sometimes be hard to know whether your drinking is within healthy boundaries, or whether you may have an alcohol dependency:

 

If you start drinking and find it hard to stop, you may have a problem:

For many people battling with an alcohol dependency, they describe their alcoholism as being like a switch that literally gets flipped after the first sip of a drink. They struggle to stop at just one or two, and often end up drinking far too much.

 

Do you constantly worry about whether your glass is full?

Are there times when you should be engaged in the conversation going on at your table, but instead you’re trying to (metaphorically or literally) catch the bartender’s eye for him to refill your glass before you’ve even finished; this behavior may indicate that you have a dependency upon alcohol, or at the very least, an unhealthy relationship with it.

 

If you regularly black out from alcohol consumption, you very likely have a problem:

There may be the occasional time when you’ve attended a party and drank more than you realized, causing you to black out, but if this is happening on a regular basis, then please seriously think about seeking professional help for alcohol dependency and abuse.

 

Is your life beginning to slip through your fingers?

If excessive drinking is beginning to prevent you from functioning in your everyday life and causing you to feel unable to take steps towards a ‘normal’ life, then talking to a professional about your problem is likely to help, and if you seek help soon enough, there’s every chance that you could quickly begin to get your life back on track.

 

Do you feel ashamed of the way you behave when you’re drunk?

While you may not always remember how you behaved after a long night of drinking, there will be plenty of people out there who will remember, and if you hear repeated reports about things you got up to that embarrass you or make you feel ashamed, it’s a good time to get some support to bring your drinking, and your life, into a healthier balance.

 

Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself if you’re not sure whether you need to seek help for your alcohol dependency (or if you even have a dependency), is whether your life feels happy and you feel healthy. If you wake up a lot of mornings with a sore head, feeling down and depressed, and constantly worrying, then these are clear signs that you might be doing more than simply enjoying a drink; you may be using drinks to cope with larger issues. If that’s the case, please seek the care you very much deserve.

The post The Difference Between Enjoying A Drink And Alcoholism appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/the-difference-between-enjoying-a-drink-and-alcoholism/

Analyzing Your Anger

Episodes of anger are perfectly normal for all of us, and they may be in response to a certain situation, or may arise due to an argument over something in which we feel passionate about. However, frequent bouts of anger or episodes in which the anger is uncontrollable, may may indicate that we need to analyze our feelings better and work towards reducing the level or frequency of our anger.

 

What is anger?

Anger is an emotion or feeling, and when communicated thoughtfully, does not usually cause others to feel attacked. However, expressing anger poorly (aggressively) in behavior and words can certainly be harmful to others and may even lead to physical anger and arguments. The sooner we learn to understand and accept that our emotions belong to us and that can learn how to best express them, the better we can limit any harmful or upsetting repercussions.

 

How can anger be managed?

Managing anger may be easier for some than for others, and we can either manage the situation we’re in that is making us angry, or we can manage our responses to such a strong emotion. If you’re frequently finding yourself in situations that are out of your control, then you may need to work on addressing your emotional responses.

There are a few ways in which you can learn to control your emotions, particularly anger, and meditation, self-awareness and other cognitive practices can be immensely helpful. For those who are not keen on such forms of therapy though, it may be prudent to try and shift the focus, from managing our emotions, to managing our emotional responses. If we decide that the behaviors we frequently display when we’re feeling angry are not conducive to peace and harmony, then we can to try and change them.

 

When do you need to worry about your anger?

Knowing when your anger may be something to worry about is not always easy, and some may wish to address and analyze their anger irrespective of whether it’s causing problems in their life.

But if you feel angry every day, or are struggling to control your anger when in certain situations and find that your behavior is harming others, then it might be time to talk to a qualified therapist.

 

Anger is a normal emotion, just like happiness and sadness, but when our emotional expressions begin to impact our lives in a negative way, then we need to thoughtfully address the issue.

The post Analyzing Your Anger appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/analyzing-your-anger/

Is Your Love Of Food A Destructive One?

The term ‘comfort food’ exists for a reason, and there is no shame in finding comfort in certain foods, in fact, it’s completely normal. Problems can arise, however, when we take this too far and forget that food is meant as fuel (and joy) for our bodies, not a substitute for heartfelt love or comfort. A destructive love of food can come about when it becomes your only coping mechanism, and the only reliable thing in your life.

Food becomes unhealthy when used as a frequent tool to help you cope with issues in your life, and when you’re depending on food to help pick you up or make you feel good instead of finding other ways to deal with your problems.

 

Make it common practice to turn to other, more positive things to help you cope:

We all know that food won’t make our problems go away, right? In fact, for many, comfort eating can lead to a whole host of secondary problems, such as weight gain and other related health issues. But we still enjoy turning to food when times are tough because it makes us feel so good, at least initially.

However, learn to turn to other comforting things to help you address your feelings, and you’ll soon get out of any destructive habits caused by comfort eating. Here are a few things that you could do instead of indulging in your favorite comforting foods:

 

• Light a scented candle and immerse yourself in your favorite soothing or uplifting fragrance
• Sit somewhere comfy and peaceful, and read a novel or good book
• Try writing down how you’re feeling in a journal
• Get out and go for a walk. Clear your head and immerse yourself in nature and the world around you. This often helps to give you a better sense of perspective and view of the bigger picture.
• Talk to a trusted friend or family member about how you’re feeling

 

• Indulge in a long, hot bath or shower. Use your favorite bathing products and unwind both your body and mind.
• Watch your favorite show

 

Try one of the above the next time your emotions begin to run high and you feel as if things are getting a little out of control. Recognizing your patterns of behavior is one of the first steps towards a healthier way of dealing with problems, and once you break the habit of comfort eating, you’ll soon find even more ways of giving yourself the comfort that you need.

 

If an unhealthy reliance upon food is taking over your life, it might be time to talk to a counselor about the cause of your discomfort, anguish or pain, before it develops into an eating disorder that could be much harder to cure. If you love your food and want to love your life, too, then rest assured that you can achieve a healthy balance, you just might need a little help getting there.

The post Is Your Love Of Food A Destructive One? appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/is-your-love-of-food-a-destructive-one/

How To Stop Anxiety from Ruling Your Life

Anxiety and fear are two very common emotions, and there is certainly no harm in experiencing either, or both, frequently. Feeling anxious or fearful is a perfectly normal emotional response to trouble or danger, but problems can arise when our brains begin to alert us to trouble even when there is no threat. This is also a perfectly common and normal way for our brains to behave if we’ve suffered a past trauma, have a phobia, or if there is a family history of anxiety, but when left untreated, it can quickly begin to take over our lives.

 

Common signs and symptoms of anxiety:

While anxiety can manifest itself in myriad ways, some of the most common symptoms are sweaty palms and/or shaking hands, thoughts that race through our brains, shallow or quick breathing, butterflies in the stomach and difficulty concentrating, to name but a few.

 

If you suffer from attacks of anxiety that are (sometimes or frequently) controlling your life, then these tips for coping with it may help you. However, please note that seeking professional help is always recommended, and is often one of the best ways of ensuring that you deal with your problems in a safe and sensible manner in a caring environment.

• Don’t try to ignore your anxiety

Ignoring your anxiety can often cause it to intensify, and only when you’ve truly acknowledged it, can you begin to best address it.

 

• Express your feelings by writing them down

Most find this to be a powerful and simple tool for helping to combat fears and anxiety, and if you’re struggling to concentrate or fall asleep, then this can be extremely effective.

 

• Let someone else listen to your fears

Choose a friend, family member or even close colleague whom you feel will listen to you without being judgmental and talk to them about how you’re feeling. A problem shared really can be a problem halved, and once we say things out loud, they often seem less ridiculous or frightening.

 

• Work out your problems, literally!

It has long been known that exercise can be a great healer, and while the physical activity may be a fantastic distraction, the endorphins released should also help you to feel more positive about things in general.

 

• Get back to nature

Nature in general can have a hugely calming effect, so taking time out of your schedule to truly appreciate the world around you and the wonders of nature, can help you to connect with the natural world and see the bigger picture.

 

How do you know when it’s time to seek professional help for your anxiety?

There is no one answer for every individual, but if you’re feeling increasingly anxious or fearful every day and it’s beginning to get in the way of how you live and function as a person, then you may well benefit from speaking to a trained counselor. Remember that the sooner you do seek help, the sooner you could get back to your old self and begin living the life you truly deserve.

 

If anxiety is taking over, one important step towards an anxiety free life, is to acknowledge that you need help and to find a trusted counselor to work with. Once this step has been taken, you’ll soon be ready to stride towards a brighter, happier and fearless life!

The post How To Stop Anxiety from Ruling Your Life appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/how-to-stop-anxiety-from-ruling-your-life/

Learning How to Relax in Recovery

While it may sound hard to believe, one of the biggest challenges of my recovery has been learning to relax and just breathe. Having CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) means that I’m often on high alert, stressed out, anxious, and hyper-vigilant. My nervous system is highly activated and just getting through a normal day can feel exhausting for me.

The first step to learning to calm down my nervous system and relax my body was relearning how to breathe. I had to practice therapeutic breathing exercises at least ten times a day. The key is to practice deep breathing when you are calm, so that you’ll automatically remember to breathe deeply when you’re activated and upset.

This may all sound like a no-brainer, but I literally had to reteach my brain and body how to relax from being activated most of the time. I reached a big milestone when I started doing jigsaw puzzles in my spare time. Focusing puzzles really helped me block out the never-ending tape of anxious thoughts and worries in my head. I just focused on the colors and the shapes of the pieces. I loved learning to tune out my anxious thoughts and seeing the progress I made on the puzzles was really rewarding in my early stages of recovery.

 

Some other tools I’ve used to relax in recovery include:

• Meditation & Mindfulness – Meditation was really challenging for me for many years. I was trying to turn off my brain. But I learned in recovery that it can simply be about focusing on my breath and the sensations around me. Now I can relax while doing nothing, whereas before I was always on the go and looking for work to do.
• Affirmations – Cultivating positive self-talk and practicing it is an ongoing practice.
• Noting positive emotions and being willing to feel them – Speaking back to my Inner Critic and letting myself open up to positive emotions is a daily exercise.
• Showing yourself grace – Learning to be kinder to myself was really hard at first. I still struggle with this, but I’m improving every day.
• Tapping – I learned this with my therapist, but there are YouTube videos on how to use tapping to find relief from anxiety.
• Coloring books and coloring pencils/pens – Like with jigsaw puzzles, I’m able to focus on the colors and the sensation of the pen on the paper. This tunes out my anxious thoughts and brings me some relief.
• Prayer – Prayer to a Higher Power or mindfulness about gratitude can be very relaxing and comforting.
• Aromatherapy – Light your favorite candle and smell it. Anchor yourself by focusing on the flame. I also have an aromatherapy necklace; I put my favorite essential oils on it and smell it throughout the day.
• Taking walks – Notice the sensations in your body and your feet. Feel the breeze on your face and take note of the world around you. I like to focus on the trees and the horizon.

I hope these activities and tips are helpful for you if relaxation in recovery is something you’re struggling with. Remember that it can take a while to see results from these practices. The more practice you get, the more you’ll find yourself willing to relax and let go.

The post Learning How to Relax in Recovery appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/learning-how-to-relax-in-recovery/

Learning To Not Let Past Pain Control Your Future Happiness

Most of us will have some painful memories from our past, including tragedies and experienced loss. However, for some, dealing with the hurt, grief and anger caused by events in the past can be a daily struggle, and may even be shaping the way they live and the way they interact with others.

Past pain and hurt can be mentally and physically exhausting, and while the individual may want to change the way they feel, they often don’t know where to begin.

If you’re stuck in a cycle of hurt and mental anguish caused by past pain, here are a few ways to begin taking control of your future happiness (which by the way, you’re very much entitled to):

 

• Understanding that you are capable of letting go of past pain

Whether you believe it or not, you can learn how to work through the pain that a past event caused you, and once you have realized this and truly embraced it, you’ll undoubtedly feel hugely empowered. Not accepting this can be a preventative barrier when attempting to take hold of your life and lead yourself towards a future filled with happiness, and void of misery and regret.

 

• “Positive Venting” is a powerful tool

There are ways to vent your anger, sadness or frustration in a positive manner, in a way that will help you to grow and overcome past pains. Simply raving about your grievances to anyone who will listen can make you feel worse, but… choose the right audience or the right method of communicating, and you may begin to feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

You may want to speak directly to the people that care the most about you, sharing with vulnerability, or you might want to pen your thoughts and feelings in a journal. However, whichever method you choose, it’s imperative that you share all of what you’re experiencing and trust that it’s okay to feel whatever you feel.

 

• Don’t get stuck in blame

While there may be no doubt that you were wronged or hurt in the past, and you may even have been entirely blameless, it’s helpful to understand and accept that getting stuck in blame can allow your pain and anger to control everything that you do. If you are blaming someone, that’s understandable, but also work to get in touch with the feelings beneath the blame.

 

• Keep Processing your feelings, and let forgiveness happen naturally whenever (of if ever) you’re ready

Those who caused you hurt in the past may be very deserving of your anger, frustration or sadness. Holding onto these feelings and refusing to process them, will not encourage or help you to move forward with your life. Instead, bring your empathy and kindness to yourself and to the root of your hurt, and treat yourself and your openness with your inner care. If a time comes when you want to forgive for your sake, allow forgiveness to lead you on a path to healing.

 

You are an individual, and who you are, is shaped by, not defined by, what happened to you in your past. Learning to heal past pain can be a difficult journey though, and never be ashamed to seek professional help. Sharing your difficulties with someone who is qualified to give appropriate and effective advice and guidance, may be a key first step in your journey towards future happiness.

The post Learning To Not Let Past Pain Control Your Future Happiness appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/learning-to-not-let-past-pain-control-your-future-happiness/

It’s Not My Personal Battle, But I Struggle With It Every Single Day – My Loved One Is Addicted To Opioids

Do you know someone who has been affected by the opioid crisis? Maybe you know someone who has unfortunately lost the battle of addiction. You may know a few souls who have struggled with substance abuse and have waited for their drug trials in jail. Maybe you can’t even remember the times you have talked to friends or strangers who share similar stories. I understand your pain and anger.

For me, it’s my sisters and brother. A few years ago, my step-sister lost a tough battle and before I could fly home to say goodbye, she was gone. The next year, my step-brother overdosed the night he was taken to jail. Death has been knocking on the door of my closest sister for over ten years. Thank God for a second chance with Narcan.

It’s hard for me to give words to the many emotions I feel – angry isn’t hostile enough, heartbroken isn’t sad enough. My sister has been on a rollercoaster, and I’ve been along for the ride. Wondering where she is, who she is with, maybe she’s hungry or maybe she is just waiting for me to call her. To save her.

I know now, after twelve years, that I can’t save her. And yet I don’t even want to type that. It makes it more real to read and my mind is still able to hide a piece of my hope. Like a tiny piece of buried treasure.

If you connect with any of my story, I want to you to look inside your heart and ask yourself – Am I OK? If you hesitated and immediately thought of your loved one struggling with addiction, I get it. You’re not the one personally struggling with substance abuse every day, but that’s not answering the question. I want to know if you, the one who is awake at night thinking about your loved ones, are OK.

I wasn’t OK. The days, months, and years passed. Jail visits, stolen jewelry, stolen identity, numerous unanswered phone calls. The roller coaster was still speeding through its’ highs and lows, and I was hanging on as a passenger. Then I found therapy.

My journey will be as unique as your own, but if you share any of these feelings and thoughts, there are people who can help you find a piece of your hope.

Ask yourself these questions below and whenever, if ever, you are ready to find a therapist you can trust and talk to, Heart-Centered Counselors will help.

Question 1 – Do you want to help save your loved one from an opioid or substance abuse addiction?
There isn’t a single thought I haven’t created in my head where my sister overcomes her addiction. I play it over and over again.

Question 2 – Have you confronted your loved one or encouraged rehab?
I thought a heart-to-heart conversation would help. Later I wished a confrontation with the whole family would help. I remember crying, and begging my sister to stop her lifestyle. I thought my words could be enough.

Question 3 – Do you ever worry that your loved one will overdose from substance abuse?
First the call that my step-sister passed away. Then the call that my other sister was revived from an overdose with Narcan. Most recently a string of calls, my step-brother now gone. Bad news thru my phone has created more anxiety towards a piece of technology than I could ever have imagined.

I could keep going on with questions, but I think if you answered yes to any of these, then I want to encourage you to take the first step to a path of healing. Reach out to someone and make sure you are OK. You deserve it.

The post It’s Not My Personal Battle, But I Struggle With It Every Single Day – My Loved One Is Addicted To Opioids appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/ny-loved-one-is-addicted-to-opioids/

You Are the Biggest Part of the Equation

I recently ran across a quote that said, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” (C. Swindoll) What you do with that 90% may take you in the direction you want to go, keep you exactly where you are or, perhaps, cause you to digress. It’s easy to look at this and say this is an easy choice; but like most things we strive for, it’s never as easy as it seems.

My daughter, for example, was diagnosed four years ago with an auto-immune disease. We did everything we were told to do, but she went from bad to worse. It was incredibly disheartening. What I’ve learned throughout these years is that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for the next.

Sometimes we can react to what life throws our way with determination, move towards finding an answer and still not get the results we hope for. So, what do we do? In our case it took not losing hope, remaining open through trial and error to find what would work, and relying on professionals to guide us along the way. The one thing that’s never been an option is giving up.

Whether you’re dealing with an abusive spouse, PTSD, addiction or any number of scenarios that make each day that much more challenging, you have the ability to impact your life and create a shift in the right direction. You can have empathy for the challenges of the past and remain hopeful for your future. Right?

Even though each person’s struggle is unique, I believe we all have one thing in common and that is to find peace. That may look differently for each one of us, but it’s definitely something to strive for. If this is your goal, continue to build toward it each day.

Here are some tips to guide you along the way

1. The first tip is to begin each day thinking about 3-5 things that happened the previous day that you’re grateful for. Starting your day with gratitude will shift your perspective and create positive change.
2. The second tip is to let someone in who has the tools to help you make the changes you need and desire in your life. There are gifted professionals who have a heart to partner with you and help you succeed and heal.
3. The third, and this is incredibly important, is to implement what you are taught. Receiving information without taking action won’t get you as far. Have faith in the process and put in the work.

As you take steps to create change be patient with yourself, stay inspired and be stronger than you strongest excuse. Look at each day as a new beginning, and decide before challenges even arise how you are going to face them successfully. You deserve an amazing life. Never lose hope, stay motivated and take it one day at a time.

The post You Are the Biggest Part of the Equation appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/you-are-the-biggest-part-of-the-equation/

Is your Backstory Holding You Back?

Everyone has a backstory. It’s the personal mythology that we weave around our lives, from the beginning to the present. You see, a backstory is more than just a personal history. These origin stories often form the narrative that we use to explain who we are, where we came from, and how we got here. Problems arise when these stories become devices that we use to justify our behavior or to prevent ourselves from changing or growing.

You could say that a backstory might become a “holding you back story.”

Most of our backstories begin before birth– with the tale of how our parents met. For those with family trauma, these stories may extend to include the trauma our parents and even grandparents suffered. Whether our parents were soldiers or immigrants, farmers or refugees– these stories get woven into our own.  Knowing and understanding our history is powerful, but recognizing the gift of that knowledge requires using it to create a future that diverges from our past.

How many times have you heard someone’s backstory and recognized that they are repeating a narrative that they’ve internalized? The woman who grew up in an abusive household and now has an abusive partner, or the unfaithful husband whose father cheated on his mom– these are typical narratives that we see repeated. But what about the subtler ones, the ones that lie hidden deep?

A friend –who was sexually abused as a child– once revealed that she believed that only someone with a similar trauma could truly understand her. While she told herself and others this story, over the years I saw her stumble from one unhealthy relationship to the next. Eventually, she married and had a family with a wonderful, wholesome partner. And after a decade she left him for a man with a dark past who ended up sending her life spiraling. All this because she believed that this man’s backstory matched hers better– was what she actually deserved. We can pay dearly for the stories we attach to ourselves.

Common themes in backstories include ideas about money, class, education, and individual worth. If your backstory involves growing up poor and you feel shame about it, it’s unlikely that you will apply to a top-tier university, even if you have the grades to get a full scholarship. That’s because your story doesn’t make room for a different life. Your story tells you that affluent people will reject you. But the truth is that people are all cut from the same cloth: we are all people, each with our own backstory.

Each time you tell a story about yourself, you reinforce it a little more and ensure that it continues to be true. While there’s no need to lie about a backstory, there are kernels of truth, power, and inspiration to be gleaned from stories of how we’ve overcome loss, hardship, and unfavorable odds. Re-framing your backstory can change your future by removing self-limiting beliefs about yourself. A wise person once said, “What you focus on is what you create,” and I think nowhere is this more true than in the stories we tell about ourselves. Take your backstory to the therapist’s office and heal the parts that aren’t serving you on the floor. See where your improved backstory takes you, and don’t look back.

 

 

 

Francesca Singer is a former farmer, landscape architect, and massage therapist who splits her time between Texas and rural France. When not writing or wrangling a toddler, she can be found hiking or working in the garden.

The post Is your Backstory Holding You Back? appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/is-your-backstory-holding-you-back/

My Feelings Are My New Best Friend

I’m not sure if you have ever heard of the Enneagram, but I am a type two with a wing one. Meaning, I’m the helper and I don’t do a fabulous job at being present for my own needs because I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I give and give and give until I am drained and frustrated. It sounds selfless and all, but it’s not.

Long story short, only recently have I been learning about the importance of facing my feelings and not running from them. I have spent my whole life being afraid of not feeling happy all the time. I have to have all my ducks in a row and be in control. These days I’m trying to let go.

A wise person once said that there is only one way out and that is through the situation. I have spent my life trying to find the route around it. Grieving my dad has shown me how important it is to drop everything and feel. No matter how hard or how scary.

The other day, my daughter was watching the movie The Lorax. A character called Once-ler decided to chop down a tree for his new business venture. The forest animals decided to have a ceremony to mourn the tree. The whole movie is colorful and so funny… Oh, and did I mention animated? I felt the need to cry at that moment… Why? I don’t know…

But instead of feeling embarrassed or shrugging off my feelings, I stopped and let myself tear up. That has happened multiple times alone this week. I have to remind myself every day to stop and listen in to my feelings. To be their friend, not their enemy. Being loving to myself unconditionally and supporting myself as I feel has been absolutely liberating.

Who would have thought that taking the time everyday to invest in your well-being would change your whole outlook on life? Not me. But it has. I feel as if my breaths are fresher and my heart is more alive. When my husband asks me what’s wrong (because I’m randomly tearing up), I simply respond, “I felt the need to release whatever feeling this is.” It sounds silly and quite frankly, over the top, but it has brought me peace that I want to share with you.

Next time a wave of emotion rushes over you, stop and be attentive to your heart. The emotion always passes. Just hang on a little while and you’ll see. See you through the other side.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/my-feelings-are-my-new-best-friend/