My Feelings Are My New Best Friend

I’m not sure if you have ever heard of the Enneagram, but I am a type two with a wing one. Meaning, I’m the helper and I don’t do a fabulous job at being present for my own needs because I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I give and give and give until I am drained and frustrated. It sounds selfless and all, but it’s not.

Long story short, only recently have I been learning about the importance of facing my feelings and not running from them. I have spent my whole life being afraid of not feeling happy all the time. I have to have all my ducks in a row and be in control. These days I’m trying to let go.

A wise person once said that there is only one way out and that is through the situation. I have spent my life trying to find the route around it. Grieving my dad has shown me how important it is to drop everything and feel. No matter how hard or how scary.

The other day, my daughter was watching the movie The Lorax. A character called Once-ler decided to chop down a tree for his new business venture. The forest animals decided to have a ceremony to mourn the tree. The whole movie is colorful and so funny… Oh, and did I mention animated? I felt the need to cry at that moment… Why? I don’t know…

But instead of feeling embarrassed or shrugging off my feelings, I stopped and let myself tear up. That has happened multiple times alone this week. I have to remind myself every day to stop and listen in to my feelings. To be their friend, not their enemy. Being loving to myself unconditionally and supporting myself as I feel has been absolutely liberating.

Who would have thought that taking the time everyday to invest in your well-being would change your whole outlook on life? Not me. But it has. I feel as if my breaths are fresher and my heart is more alive. When my husband asks me what’s wrong (because I’m randomly tearing up), I simply respond, “I felt the need to release whatever feeling this is.” It sounds silly and quite frankly, over the top, but it has brought me peace that I want to share with you.

Next time a wave of emotion rushes over you, stop and be attentive to your heart. The emotion always passes. Just hang on a little while and you’ll see. See you through the other side.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/my-feelings-are-my-new-best-friend/

Yoga for Anxiety

Yoga is so much more than holding a headstand or chanting “om” as the sun rises. In fact, yoga philosophy contains eight tools for leading a life of purpose and peace, as outlined by the sage Patañjali in The Eight-Fold Path. The Eight Limbs derived from his ancient texts are utilized even today. Although many overlap and are intertwined, let’s highlight how a few of these limbs can help calm general anxiety or an acute anxiety attack.

Asana – Postures

Try a few of the following poses to calm an anxious mind and body. If you aren’t familiar with these, the Yoga Journal website is a fantastic resource for learning postures.

• Easy Pose: Rest your hands over your heart-center, feel your heart beat, feel your chest rise and fall with your breath. Slow your breathing. (See Pranayama for more on breathing.)
• Cat-Cow Flow: Link your inhales and exhales to your movement, solidifying the mind-body connection. As you inhale, bring your crown and tail toward the sky in cow. Exhale to round your back into cat.
• Child’s Pose: Hug into yourself in this gentle resting pose.
• Legs Up The Wall Pose: A classic restorative pose, allow yourself to rest here for up to ten minutes.

Pranayama – Breath Control

There are many types of pranayama, or controlled breathing, and we’ll highlight just two for anxiety.

When we have short, shallow breathing, we trigger our body’s flight-or-fight response. Deep, full breathing brings oxygen to the lower lobes of the lungs and stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system. Hello, calm.

If you can, find a comfortable seat and close your eyes. If you can’t, this practice can be done just about anywhere.

• Box Breathing: Inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds. Repeat for several minutes.
• 4:8 Breathing: Inhale for four seconds and then exhale slowly for 8 seconds. Repeat for several minutes.
• Breathe in and out of your nose for both of these techniques. If it helps you focus, you may choose to place your hands on your chest or belly to feel it rise and fall.

Dharana – Concentration

Here, we’re not fully in a meditative state, or releasing all awareness. We’re actually holding our focus on just one thing.

As someone with anxiety, you might already do this when you follow one negative thought down the rabbit hole. We know that’s not helpful. And sometimes, the mind is full of thoughts. Try this to bring positivity and calm:

• Choose an affirmation to repeat silently or out loud. For instance, try “I am calm” or “I am capable” or whatever you need reminded of.
• Repeat this mantra again and again until you do feel calm or capable.

If you do this on a regular basis, you’ll begin to recognize the truth of your affirmation without even realizing it. Above all, this concentration on your phrase will keep your focus on these words and not the dozens of other thoughts racing in your head. If your thoughts do drift, bring your awareness back to the affirmation without judging yourself for momentarily losing concentration. You’ll find that this is a helpful way to relax your mind and remind yourself you are calm, capable, strong, worthy, loved.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/yoga-for-anxiety/

Self-Respect Doesn’t Have To Be Hard. Read these 5 tips!

Self-respect defines how we value and perceive ourselves and also how we show ourselves to the world.

What is self-respect?

Having self-respect does not mean you are overly confident or even arrogant; it means you have confidence within yourself. It is a form of self- love.

Having Self-Respect means you are able to valid yourself, and that you are able to accept validation from other people such as family, peers, or even strangers.

Through self-respect, you experience your sense of value; it also sets the standard for what you will allow from others.

Why is self-respect important?

Having respect for your self will ultimately support your well-being; a well-being that is dictated by other people.

Self-respect allows you to grow and become a better person. Others might look up to you or rely on your guidance, such as your children or siblings.

Sometimes people who lack self-respect may experience negative thoughts and, in  the worst of times, self-destructive behaviors.

Struggles

It is relatively hard to admit it, but there was a time that I severely lacked self-respect.

I often downplayed my worth. I allowed myself to get lost in relationships – meaning I wasn’t real to myself, but rather transformed into who I believed I needed to be with certain people. I allowed myself to get lost in negative behaviors which could have been very destructive had I continued along that path.

Lacking self-respect, to a certain degree, is a gateway to other struggles that can eventually lead to difficult battles; mental and emotional battles where you may question your worth or question who loves you; as well as physical battles, where you may find yourself abusing alcohol and other drugs.

I think many people can relate to these feelings; unfortunately, they may not know how to gain self-respect to take back control of how they view themselves.

How Can I Respect Myself?

There are plenty of useful tips available to help you learn to respect yourself. I am going to advise on what I feel are the top 5 ways to demonstrate self-respect.

There may be a few tips that seem like “no brainers” or even cliché, but once utilized more and more over some time, you will start to see the change within yourself.

 

1. Respect your body

Respecting your body can range from what you eat, when and if you exercise, and even your choice to have piercings and tattoos.

2. Respect your weaknesses

Acknowledging any weakness that you may have does not mean you should have less respect for yourself. It means you have presented yourself with the chance to grow and even build yourself and your character.

3. Respect your failures

When or If you fail at something, it does not mean you are less than or incapable of anything. Failing is not a negative thing to experience, although it sometimes can feel like it.

Instead of feeling bad or losing any respect for yourself because of a failure, seize the opportunity to learn something and gain experience and even understanding.

4. Respect your company

You want to surround yourself with people who are positive influences on you and treat you the best way possible.

5. Respect and accept retaliation.

You are going to encounter people that do not necessarily agree with the changes that you are making within yourself to become a better person. They may react negatively towards you regarding these changes. Accept the need to either let them go – or to let their statements about you go – so you can continue to grow and be successful.

 

Eventually, practicing these self-respect tips on a daily bases will help you overcome any negative views that you may see in yourself.

Ultimately respecting yourself leads to better days – because not only have you formed a new outlook of yourself, but you experience the same respect in return from others.

The post Self-Respect Doesn’t Have To Be Hard. Read these 5 tips! appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/self-respect-doesnt-have-to-be-hard-read-these-5-tips/

Depression From A Child’s Perspective

1 in 5 people will suffer from one form of mental illness in their lifetime. Depression is one of the most common mood disorders. It is more than normal sadness, and it alters the way you live your life. Depression is not something you can snap out of. In some cases, it requires extended dedicated treatment programs. However, there is help out there for you.

Both of my parents had one form of depression while I was growing up. My mother had post-partum depression after each of her five children. I was always curious about the five-year gap between myself and my sister; however, I recently learned she had suffered for five long years with post-partum depression.

Post-partum depression can occur in either parent after having a baby. Most parents go through some stage of baby blues; however, post-partum is more intense and lasts longer than the baby blues.

 

My mom felt like a zombie; she had no energy and no emotions. She went through life day after day, just going through the motions. She had a hard time being in the moment with my older brother and myself.

After a few years, she went and discussed how she was feeling with her doctor. She was prescribed medicine, but never took it. Instead, talking through her emotions with a therapist and feeling like she was not alone helped her recover and feel more like herself.

My father has dealt with a major depressive disorder for most of his life. He had a lot of anger built up inside of him, which often exploded on simple matters that happened during a day. He had times when he was very depressed and could not get out of bed. He had difficulty making decisions and staying focused. He also developed anxiety disorder along with his depression.

 

My dad sought help in his mid-twenties. He has been on countless forms of medications with various types of strength. Nothing seemed to do the trick for him though. He went on and off medicines, and some helped, some did not. It wasn’t until he went and sought help from a therapist when he noticed things started to look up.

With the various forms of medicine, seeking help, and working through things, my dad has overcome his depression. Now, he is working on overcoming his anxiety as well. Things got better and happier throughout all the help he received.

Now my dad, with the help of his nurse practitioner, is coming off his medicine. He is happier than I have ever seen him. He has strong relationships with all of his children, way stronger than when he struggled with depression.

 

Growing up with parents who suffered from various forms of depression ultimately affected my siblings and me. Suffering does not only affect you personally but those who you spend time with and love. It is essential for those suffering and those who are with them to understand this and reach out for help to those who can help you and your family be happier. What works for someone may not always work for you; however, there is the right treatment for you out there.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/depression-from-a-childs-perspective/