Learning How to Relax in Recovery

While it may sound hard to believe, one of the biggest challenges of my recovery has been learning to relax and just breathe. Having CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) means that I’m often on high alert, stressed out, anxious, and hyper-vigilant. My nervous system is highly activated and just getting through a normal day can feel exhausting for me.

The first step to learning to calm down my nervous system and relax my body was relearning how to breathe. I had to practice therapeutic breathing exercises at least ten times a day. The key is to practice deep breathing when you are calm, so that you’ll automatically remember to breathe deeply when you’re activated and upset.

This may all sound like a no-brainer, but I literally had to reteach my brain and body how to relax from being activated most of the time. I reached a big milestone when I started doing jigsaw puzzles in my spare time. Focusing puzzles really helped me block out the never-ending tape of anxious thoughts and worries in my head. I just focused on the colors and the shapes of the pieces. I loved learning to tune out my anxious thoughts and seeing the progress I made on the puzzles was really rewarding in my early stages of recovery.

 

Some other tools I’ve used to relax in recovery include:

• Meditation & Mindfulness – Meditation was really challenging for me for many years. I was trying to turn off my brain. But I learned in recovery that it can simply be about focusing on my breath and the sensations around me. Now I can relax while doing nothing, whereas before I was always on the go and looking for work to do.
• Affirmations – Cultivating positive self-talk and practicing it is an ongoing practice.
• Noting positive emotions and being willing to feel them – Speaking back to my Inner Critic and letting myself open up to positive emotions is a daily exercise.
• Showing yourself grace – Learning to be kinder to myself was really hard at first. I still struggle with this, but I’m improving every day.
• Tapping – I learned this with my therapist, but there are YouTube videos on how to use tapping to find relief from anxiety.
• Coloring books and coloring pencils/pens – Like with jigsaw puzzles, I’m able to focus on the colors and the sensation of the pen on the paper. This tunes out my anxious thoughts and brings me some relief.
• Prayer – Prayer to a Higher Power or mindfulness about gratitude can be very relaxing and comforting.
• Aromatherapy – Light your favorite candle and smell it. Anchor yourself by focusing on the flame. I also have an aromatherapy necklace; I put my favorite essential oils on it and smell it throughout the day.
• Taking walks – Notice the sensations in your body and your feet. Feel the breeze on your face and take note of the world around you. I like to focus on the trees and the horizon.

I hope these activities and tips are helpful for you if relaxation in recovery is something you’re struggling with. Remember that it can take a while to see results from these practices. The more practice you get, the more you’ll find yourself willing to relax and let go.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/learning-how-to-relax-in-recovery/

Learning To Not Let Past Pain Control Your Future Happiness

Most of us will have some painful memories from our past, including tragedies and experienced loss. However, for some, dealing with the hurt, grief and anger caused by events in the past can be a daily struggle, and may even be shaping the way they live and the way they interact with others.

Past pain and hurt can be mentally and physically exhausting, and while the individual may want to change the way they feel, they often don’t know where to begin.

If you’re stuck in a cycle of hurt and mental anguish caused by past pain, here are a few ways to begin taking control of your future happiness (which by the way, you’re very much entitled to):

 

• Understanding that you are capable of letting go of past pain

Whether you believe it or not, you can learn how to work through the pain that a past event caused you, and once you have realized this and truly embraced it, you’ll undoubtedly feel hugely empowered. Not accepting this can be a preventative barrier when attempting to take hold of your life and lead yourself towards a future filled with happiness, and void of misery and regret.

 

• “Positive Venting” is a powerful tool

There are ways to vent your anger, sadness or frustration in a positive manner, in a way that will help you to grow and overcome past pains. Simply raving about your grievances to anyone who will listen can make you feel worse, but… choose the right audience or the right method of communicating, and you may begin to feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

You may want to speak directly to the people that care the most about you, sharing with vulnerability, or you might want to pen your thoughts and feelings in a journal. However, whichever method you choose, it’s imperative that you share all of what you’re experiencing and trust that it’s okay to feel whatever you feel.

 

• Don’t get stuck in blame

While there may be no doubt that you were wronged or hurt in the past, and you may even have been entirely blameless, it’s helpful to understand and accept that getting stuck in blame can allow your pain and anger to control everything that you do. If you are blaming someone, that’s understandable, but also work to get in touch with the feelings beneath the blame.

 

• Keep Processing your feelings, and let forgiveness happen naturally whenever (of if ever) you’re ready

Those who caused you hurt in the past may be very deserving of your anger, frustration or sadness. Holding onto these feelings and refusing to process them, will not encourage or help you to move forward with your life. Instead, bring your empathy and kindness to yourself and to the root of your hurt, and treat yourself and your openness with your inner care. If a time comes when you want to forgive for your sake, allow forgiveness to lead you on a path to healing.

 

You are an individual, and who you are, is shaped by, not defined by, what happened to you in your past. Learning to heal past pain can be a difficult journey though, and never be ashamed to seek professional help. Sharing your difficulties with someone who is qualified to give appropriate and effective advice and guidance, may be a key first step in your journey towards future happiness.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/learning-to-not-let-past-pain-control-your-future-happiness/

It’s Not My Personal Battle, But I Struggle With It Every Single Day – My Loved One Is Addicted To Opioids

Do you know someone who has been affected by the opioid crisis? Maybe you know someone who has unfortunately lost the battle of addiction. You may know a few souls who have struggled with substance abuse and have waited for their drug trials in jail. Maybe you can’t even remember the times you have talked to friends or strangers who share similar stories. I understand your pain and anger.

For me, it’s my sisters and brother. A few years ago, my step-sister lost a tough battle and before I could fly home to say goodbye, she was gone. The next year, my step-brother overdosed the night he was taken to jail. Death has been knocking on the door of my closest sister for over ten years. Thank God for a second chance with Narcan.

It’s hard for me to give words to the many emotions I feel – angry isn’t hostile enough, heartbroken isn’t sad enough. My sister has been on a rollercoaster, and I’ve been along for the ride. Wondering where she is, who she is with, maybe she’s hungry or maybe she is just waiting for me to call her. To save her.

I know now, after twelve years, that I can’t save her. And yet I don’t even want to type that. It makes it more real to read and my mind is still able to hide a piece of my hope. Like a tiny piece of buried treasure.

If you connect with any of my story, I want to you to look inside your heart and ask yourself – Am I OK? If you hesitated and immediately thought of your loved one struggling with addiction, I get it. You’re not the one personally struggling with substance abuse every day, but that’s not answering the question. I want to know if you, the one who is awake at night thinking about your loved ones, are OK.

I wasn’t OK. The days, months, and years passed. Jail visits, stolen jewelry, stolen identity, numerous unanswered phone calls. The roller coaster was still speeding through its’ highs and lows, and I was hanging on as a passenger. Then I found therapy.

My journey will be as unique as your own, but if you share any of these feelings and thoughts, there are people who can help you find a piece of your hope.

Ask yourself these questions below and whenever, if ever, you are ready to find a therapist you can trust and talk to, Heart-Centered Counselors will help.

Question 1 – Do you want to help save your loved one from an opioid or substance abuse addiction?
There isn’t a single thought I haven’t created in my head where my sister overcomes her addiction. I play it over and over again.

Question 2 – Have you confronted your loved one or encouraged rehab?
I thought a heart-to-heart conversation would help. Later I wished a confrontation with the whole family would help. I remember crying, and begging my sister to stop her lifestyle. I thought my words could be enough.

Question 3 – Do you ever worry that your loved one will overdose from substance abuse?
First the call that my step-sister passed away. Then the call that my other sister was revived from an overdose with Narcan. Most recently a string of calls, my step-brother now gone. Bad news thru my phone has created more anxiety towards a piece of technology than I could ever have imagined.

I could keep going on with questions, but I think if you answered yes to any of these, then I want to encourage you to take the first step to a path of healing. Reach out to someone and make sure you are OK. You deserve it.

The post It’s Not My Personal Battle, But I Struggle With It Every Single Day – My Loved One Is Addicted To Opioids appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/ny-loved-one-is-addicted-to-opioids/

You Are the Biggest Part of the Equation

I recently ran across a quote that said, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” (C. Swindoll) What you do with that 90% may take you in the direction you want to go, keep you exactly where you are or, perhaps, cause you to digress. It’s easy to look at this and say this is an easy choice; but like most things we strive for, it’s never as easy as it seems.

My daughter, for example, was diagnosed four years ago with an auto-immune disease. We did everything we were told to do, but she went from bad to worse. It was incredibly disheartening. What I’ve learned throughout these years is that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for the next.

Sometimes we can react to what life throws our way with determination, move towards finding an answer and still not get the results we hope for. So, what do we do? In our case it took not losing hope, remaining open through trial and error to find what would work, and relying on professionals to guide us along the way. The one thing that’s never been an option is giving up.

Whether you’re dealing with an abusive spouse, PTSD, addiction or any number of scenarios that make each day that much more challenging, you have the ability to impact your life and create a shift in the right direction. You can have empathy for the challenges of the past and remain hopeful for your future. Right?

Even though each person’s struggle is unique, I believe we all have one thing in common and that is to find peace. That may look differently for each one of us, but it’s definitely something to strive for. If this is your goal, continue to build toward it each day.

Here are some tips to guide you along the way

1. The first tip is to begin each day thinking about 3-5 things that happened the previous day that you’re grateful for. Starting your day with gratitude will shift your perspective and create positive change.
2. The second tip is to let someone in who has the tools to help you make the changes you need and desire in your life. There are gifted professionals who have a heart to partner with you and help you succeed and heal.
3. The third, and this is incredibly important, is to implement what you are taught. Receiving information without taking action won’t get you as far. Have faith in the process and put in the work.

As you take steps to create change be patient with yourself, stay inspired and be stronger than you strongest excuse. Look at each day as a new beginning, and decide before challenges even arise how you are going to face them successfully. You deserve an amazing life. Never lose hope, stay motivated and take it one day at a time.

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source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/you-are-the-biggest-part-of-the-equation/

Is your Backstory Holding You Back?

Everyone has a backstory. It’s the personal mythology that we weave around our lives, from the beginning to the present. You see, a backstory is more than just a personal history. These origin stories often form the narrative that we use to explain who we are, where we came from, and how we got here. Problems arise when these stories become devices that we use to justify our behavior or to prevent ourselves from changing or growing.

You could say that a backstory might become a “holding you back story.”

Most of our backstories begin before birth– with the tale of how our parents met. For those with family trauma, these stories may extend to include the trauma our parents and even grandparents suffered. Whether our parents were soldiers or immigrants, farmers or refugees– these stories get woven into our own.  Knowing and understanding our history is powerful, but recognizing the gift of that knowledge requires using it to create a future that diverges from our past.

How many times have you heard someone’s backstory and recognized that they are repeating a narrative that they’ve internalized? The woman who grew up in an abusive household and now has an abusive partner, or the unfaithful husband whose father cheated on his mom– these are typical narratives that we see repeated. But what about the subtler ones, the ones that lie hidden deep?

A friend –who was sexually abused as a child– once revealed that she believed that only someone with a similar trauma could truly understand her. While she told herself and others this story, over the years I saw her stumble from one unhealthy relationship to the next. Eventually, she married and had a family with a wonderful, wholesome partner. And after a decade she left him for a man with a dark past who ended up sending her life spiraling. All this because she believed that this man’s backstory matched hers better– was what she actually deserved. We can pay dearly for the stories we attach to ourselves.

Common themes in backstories include ideas about money, class, education, and individual worth. If your backstory involves growing up poor and you feel shame about it, it’s unlikely that you will apply to a top-tier university, even if you have the grades to get a full scholarship. That’s because your story doesn’t make room for a different life. Your story tells you that affluent people will reject you. But the truth is that people are all cut from the same cloth: we are all people, each with our own backstory.

Each time you tell a story about yourself, you reinforce it a little more and ensure that it continues to be true. While there’s no need to lie about a backstory, there are kernels of truth, power, and inspiration to be gleaned from stories of how we’ve overcome loss, hardship, and unfavorable odds. Re-framing your backstory can change your future by removing self-limiting beliefs about yourself. A wise person once said, “What you focus on is what you create,” and I think nowhere is this more true than in the stories we tell about ourselves. Take your backstory to the therapist’s office and heal the parts that aren’t serving you on the floor. See where your improved backstory takes you, and don’t look back.

 

 

 

Francesca Singer is a former farmer, landscape architect, and massage therapist who splits her time between Texas and rural France. When not writing or wrangling a toddler, she can be found hiking or working in the garden.

The post Is your Backstory Holding You Back? appeared first on Heart-Centered Counselors.

source https://heartcenteredcounselors.com/is-your-backstory-holding-you-back/