Where do we find answers?

As I look at the title of this blog, the first option that pops into my mind is Google. I’m sure I’m not alone; but as grateful as I am to have answers right at my fingertips, I’m even more grateful to have options. I’d like to focus on one that’s been instrumental in my life and as they say, pay it forward.

There’s a lot to be said about the people we come across and how their experiences can impact our own.

Recently, someone who I admire greatly shared two important questions he’d ask himself when he was battling depression. This person is doing amazing now and impacting other’s lives in a powerful way, but his story wouldn’t inspire the way it does had he not found answers that would create the change he was searching for.

At the time, I was struggling with a difficult situation that I wasn’t quite sure how to get out of. As I worked on asking myself the questions he’d shared, they became a part of my story as well. I was able to clear the hurdle that was causing me to remain stuck, and I’m incredibly grateful. I hope this will help you too.

I want to preface sharing his questions by adding something to the equation. If we hear or read something that resonates and we don’t apply it, we risk staying stuck. If we choose action, what we may find on the other side of that is the satisfaction of seeing where it takes us (joy, peace, relief…), and knowing that our choices made all the difference. Being inspired by other’s successes can be the key to the change we desire, if we take the steps to make it happen.

 

Impactful Questions + Action = Breakthrough

     Question (1) “Can I see peace instead of this?” Question (2) “Can I see things differently?” It seems too simple, right? But, there is so much power in finding the answers that will create the intended impact.

It’s going to be different for each and every one of us. I have to admit that it wasn’t an instantaneous solution. It would be so nice to just snap our fingers and just like that, see immediate change. I kept at it because someone who had faced far greater challenges, had succeeded. If he was able to change things around, I could see myself succeeding as well.

Take the time to seek out the answers that will help you face whatever is blocking you from experiencing the life you want to be living. The process may not be easy, but the results that begin to peek through will give you the confidence you need to continue to put in the work. Once you create the change you’re hoping for, you’ll not only be a happier you, you’ll also be an inspiration to others.

 

Learn more at heartcenteredcounselors.com

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Off the Beaten Path for ADHD

I have learned as a mother of four children with different needs that it’s okay to go off the beaten path.  Three of my four children were diagnosed with ADHD (both daughters towards the end of their kindergarten year and my youngest son at the beginning of seventh grade).  My husband was diagnosed with ADD in his early 30s.  My children were all diagnosed through a psychologist and my husband was diagnosed through his physician.  This is where the commonality ends though.

My husband has been on medication for over fifteen years for his ADD and my three youngest children all started with seeing both a psychologist for therapy and psychiatrist for medication.  The problem was that all three had some form of negative side effects such as weight loss, lethargy, mood swings, etc.  My daughters have tried medication off and on three times with either success from the medication and side effects or no success at all.

It was due to their experience that I wanted to have my youngest son have a DNA test done that specifies what his body would and would not respond to (this was for medication for ADHD, ADD, anxiety, depression, etc.).  He is a very petite young man and can not afford to lose any weight.  Well, all three had a negative side effect regardless.

So my three youngest children took a break from prescribed medication for their ADHD.  I then tried to do the elimination diet with gluten and dairy.  I noticed a significant change when I introduce gluten back into their diets, but not with dairy.  So we used that approach and still do.

This, in addition to weekly visits with a therapist (she does provide both family and individual therapy), helped my oldest daughter.  She has progressed from weekly therapy appointments to every-other-week therapy appointments.  My youngest daughter is doing well solely with a gluten free diet with no artificial colors, preservatives, flavoring as well as no high fructose corn syrup.  The problem was that my youngest son was still struggling.

The gluten free diet was helping him with focusing, but he still exhibits a lot of anxiety and anger.  He goes to therapy weekly, but will not acknowledge his feelings and therefore, having a difficult time moving forward with his therapy.  So at this point, my son, husband, and myself were very frustrated.  My husband really wanted him to take medication for his ADHD and I wanted to find another way to help our son, but in a natural way (i.e. diet, supplements, etc.). I’m very hesitant about going this way because he is so low on weight and height and he can’t afford to lose any more weight. So I was wondering what else I could do to help our son.  As a mother I want to help him so he can be the best young man that he can be.

At this time I discovered that an integrative pediatrician (a doctor that uses a whole approach of finding ways to help children) was moving from her private practice to a new location that was covered under our current health care plan.  I gave her a call.

Her new office was ninety miles away, but I was so willing to see what she could do to help our son.  Our first appointment went well.  The new pediatrician asked a lot of great questions and took the time to listen and answer my questions and then before we left had my son have some lab work done.

Two weeks later we received the results of his lab work and found out that he was low in vitamin D, iron, zinc, and his body was having problems absorbing necessary nutrients and minerals.  I found out that when a child is low in vitamin D, iron, and zinc, it can affect a child’s well being (i.e. problems remembering things, struggles with anxiety and anger problems, increases sensory problems, etc.) and that the malabsorption doesn’t allow him to absorb the necessary minerals and vitamins to thrive both mentally and physically.

Now he is on a variety of supplements to help with all of that, a continuation of gluten free diet (gluten can affect absorption of necessary nutrients and minerals), organic plant based powder to go in smoothies (to help him incorporate more fruits and veggies in his diet), and daily trial of fruits and vegetables.  This will not be an overnight fix by any means, but will take a couple of months to see results (according to his integrative pediatrician).  She is also referring us to a dietitian to assist in developing and incorporating recipes that will help him as well.

All of these dietary and supplement changes should also assist him in his weekly therapy appointments to address anxiety and anger issues as well as utilizing new tools that he has learned from his therapists.

This has been a twelve year long journey that has included multiple therapies (speech and language, occupational, feeding group, etc.), doctor visits, and mental health therapy appointments.  I am excited to see how all these new changes will help my son both mentally and physically.

It is important to note that I am not a doctor and solely sharing my son’s personal experience with his mental health and additional struggles. As we all know, each child is different. 

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Do I Have Depression? Signs of Depression

I have bipolar disorder. It’s been relatively well-controlled for the past several years, but yesterday it occurred to me to wonder if I’m sliding back into a depressive episode. I work hard to be mindful of my mental state so that I can catch swings before I experience suicidal ideation or have delusions of grandeur.

 

It occurred to me that some of you might benefit from me exploring whether I’m experiencing symptoms of depression. Here are signs of depression along with whether or not I think I have them.

 

Here are some symptoms of depression along with my current experiences:

Irritability, frustration, or angry outbursts

I haven’t been experiencing angry outbursts. Irritability hasn’t been affecting me much lately. I’ve definitely been feeling more frustrated than usual– when I allow myself to feel any emotions at all. More often, I avoid my emotions by playing games on my tablet while also watching shows on Hulu.

 

Lack of energy and tiredness – small tasks take great effort

YES – however, I was recently diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, and my new CPAP machine doesn’t seem to be helping much yet. So this symptom is a jump ball as to whether it’s a symptom of depression or a result of not getting a proper night of sleep in who knows how many years. It could also be both.

 

Self-blame, focused on past failures, feelings of worthlessness or guilt

YES. I’m having severe financial difficulties lately that are entirely related to not focusing enough to make as much money as I could (I’m a full-time freelance writer) and spending too much money on junk food. Hard not to feel worthless and guilty when I need to borrow money from family just to keep my head above water.

 

Unexplained physical problems like headaches or back pain

Headaches and back pain, yes. Unexplained? Maybe not. I’ve been having more headaches than usual lately, but they could be caused by stress rather than depression. And my back has been killing me lately, but I think that’s a combination of being overdue for a trip to the chiropractor and gaining a few more pounds to my already too-high weight.

 

Feelings of hopelessness, sadness, tearfulness, emptiness

I rarely cry, but I have come close WAY more than usual for the last few weeks. I don’t necessarily feel hopeless, but I think my optimism is as much a mask as anything.

 

Frequent thoughts of death or suicide

No, luckily. I spent too many years with suicidal ideation when my bipolar disorder was uncontrolled. I want to catch my depression before it gets that bad.

 

Loss of pleasure or interest in normal activities or hobbies

Yes and no. I haven’t done any non-work writing in a long time, but I have been focusing on my YouTube channel lately. This one is a toss-up.

 

Slowed speaking, thinking, or body movements

Not really?

 

Anxiety, restlessness, or agitation

I’ve definitely been dealing with more anxiety than usual. Most of the time it feels like there’s a belt strapped around my chest so that I can’t breathe properly. I almost had a panic attack in Walmart a few weeks ago – luckily breathing exercises got me out of there in tact.

 

Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, thinking, or remembering things

YES. But again, this could be the result of my severe sleep apnea.

 

Sleeping too much or too little

Yes. It could be because of my sleep apnea, but a week ago, the first time I slept without setting an alarm since I got my CPAP, I slept for 11 hours straight without even waking up to use the bathroom. That’s DEFINITELY unusual for me.

 

Eating more or less than usual, unintentional weight loss or gain

Yes. A month or two ago, I tried to do Weight Watchers. That lasted a couple of weeks. Now I’m eating as much junk food as I can stuff in. I’ve gained about ten pounds in the last month or so.

 

Do I have depression?

Maybe. I want to keep an eye on these symptoms and bring them up in my next therapy session. Luckily, if I am depressed, it’s only mild depression, and I’m optimistic that I can work my way out of it before it gets worse.

 

If you think you’ve been experiencing symptoms of depression for at least the last two weeks, talking to a therapist can help you figure out if you have depression and help you come up with a plan to treat it. They’re a great first contract if you think you’re experiencing depression.

 

You can make an appointment today by emailing help@heartcenteredcounselors.com or calling 970-498-0709. You don’t have to feel this way forever. I’ve pulled myself out of depression before, and you can too.

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Hitting Rock Bottom and Getting Back Up

I walked into the Behavioral Health Unit at the local hospital to visit my friend this month. He was extremely intoxicated one weekend and called 911 while struggling with suicidal ideation. Last May, nearly one year ago, I willingly checked into the same Behavioral Health Unit. It was the lowest I’d ever been. I was powerless and could no longer manage my life. I was constantly depressed, anxious, overworked, and fatigued.

Early in the morning one day, I woke up with a bad stomachache. I knew I had to get up and get ready for the day. Despite my fatigue and the pain in my stomach, I went about my morning routine. While trying to listen to an audiobook to self-soothe, I dropped my phone in the toilet. I tried to find my glasses and couldn’t see. I hit rock bottom and started crying uncontrollably. I felt helpless, alone, and hopeless.

I was scared when I checked into the hospital. I wasn’t planning on hurting myself, but I was also afraid to be alone. In my highly activated state, I had recalled an extremely traumatic memory of being assaulted ten years ago. Why had I repressed this memory deep down? Why didn’t I seek help? In some part of my mind, I wasn’t ready to face a harsh reality.

Little did I know at the time that checking into the hospital was the first step to my life drastically changing for the better. I needed to surrender. Deep down, I was scared and angry. My Inner Child surfaced, seeking safety and relief.

The therapist at the Behavioral Health Unit told me something I’d never known: “People heal from this. You deserve to heal.” That simple sentence became my mantra for months to come. You deserve to heal. You deserve to heal. You deserve to heal. It was that simple. I just hadn’t known. Other people like me manage to get better, and I could do so as well, if I only gave myself the chance.

Eventually, I found an amazing counselor who I have come to trust and who has assisted me with rediscovering myself and finding the help I need. I’ve rebuilt my life from the bottom up. I never knew life could feel this good. I’ve started to forgive myself for not being able to protect myself. I’ve learned that it’s okay to let go of the negative and abusive inner monologue of my Inner Critic. I now know that it’s okay to ask for help, and I do so regularly.

Walking through the hospital hallway to see my friend, tears welled up in my eyes. I’m so lucky and grateful to have come so far in my healing journey. I hope that by visiting my friend and being open and honest with others that I can pass on what I have learned and be an example that starting that healing journey is possible. Sometimes the hardest part is the first step. And I’m still practicing it every day. Surrendering more and more to the simple idea that I deserve to heal and all I have to do is take that leap.

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Do You Argue Too Much With Your Significant Other?

Are you ever worried that you and your significant other argue too much? Do you often escalate a small disagreement into a huge fight where you scream and yell mean things that you wish you could take back? Every couple has arguments with their significant other, but just because it is common to fight with a loved one, doesn’t mean that you have to stay in a roller coaster pattern of negative behavior and frustration.

You are not alone if you want to see change in your relationship. Many couples seek out advice and need help to create a healthier relationship. Constant bickering and arguing can lead you to feeling emotionally drained. Maybe you and your partner have a difficult time understanding and communicating and you’ve both accepted the daily comments that upset each other.

There is no magic wand or potion, but you can decrease the amount of arguing between you and your partner and create a healthier relationship. I’m one of the many people who felt overwhelmed by the amount of arguing in my relationship and I reached a breaking point where I could no longer accept the daily fighting. Instead of hoping and waiting for resolution, I started to act on the changes I knew were possible for our relationship and began to see change in myself and my partner.

During an argument:

• Take a few deep breaths before you continue your conversation. When I become angry, I talk really fast and usually raise my voice. Without realizing, I start to lose my breath and it becomes more difficult to stay calm. Count to three as you inhale and exhale. Keep taking deep breaths until you have control over the tone and volume of your voice.
• Stop the name calling and swearing. Many people have a sharp tongue and say things they don’t mean when they argue with their partner. There are many hurtful words I wish I would have never said in the heat of the moment, even though I felt so “right” and knew they were “wrong.” Using hurtful words towards one another is ineffective.
• Focus on the conflict at hand. It’s easy to bring up the past, especially if it relates to the current argument of discussion, but this may only snowball into more conflict. Stay in the present moment and talk about the issue directly.
• Apologize and say sorry. It’s amazing how one little phrase can help you move on to a resolution. Look your partner in their eyes and say “I’m sorry.”
• Seeking out advice from family and close friends can also be helpful. I’m guilty to say it is oddly comforting to hear that other couples fight and have daily arguments with their significant other. But even when I have opened up to my circle of trust, I have left out details that I am embarrassed and ashamed by. I’m scared of being judged and labeled a bad person for all my hurtful actions.
• Get Caring Support from Someone Who Understands: With therapy, I have been able to be honest and vulnerable with professionals who offer support and guidance in a non judgmental atmosphere.

Once you realize that change is possible, you will crave to find a healthier balance and lessen the amount of arguing with your partner. Do not strive for perfection as there isn’t a single person on this earth who hasn’t argued with their significant others and loved ones, which is an unproven statement I would be willing to place a million dollar bet on. But change has been possible and you can begin to create a healthier relationship if you work on yourself as much as you work on your relationship together.

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